Whiskey Bent and Hell Bound

Today as I surfed the internet reading various blog posts about the misadventures of raising six children, the stealthy stare of the crawling eye monsters, the similarity between pregnancy and the movie Alien, and other equally enthralling topics, I had myself one doosie of an epiphany. I realized the web was about one blog short of complete.

"I enjoy writing." I said to myself. "I have misadventures, and priceless opinions, and a general distaste for leaving my house to interact with people face to face. Why shouldn't I have my own blog with which to spew forth my own personal flavor of BS towards the anonymous public? Why haven't I started one before now?"

The obvious answer would of course be my complete lack of talent, personal drive, and legitimate knowledge of what's going on in what I like to call the "outside world". Not to mention my propensity towards spending what little spare time I have drinking sizable fortunes away and looking at free porn. But what the hell, I've never been one to hold back from speaking when it was an option.

So thus was born "Sprinting to Hell". May the heavens burst forth with joyous proclamations of hoorah and all that poppy cock. (what the hell is poppy cock anyway? Isn't it British caramel corn or something, I don't know) Just a warning to those of you who are tee-totaling FCC bung holes, or who have easily jangled sensibilities, or are children, go ahead and Google some Disney shit right now cause you probably aren't gonna like all my cussing and general scorn for all things moral and proper. Not that I go out of my way to piss people off or act vulgar, I just cuss a lot and don't shy away from opinions on controversial topics. You may all feel free to leave irate comments, or insult my mother, or whatever gets you off. It's all good here.

I would suppose that somewhere in this blog I should introduce myself and whatnot. Y'all can call me Rotgut. I am 23 and I live in the Raleigh area of North Carolina. I'm a blue collar working man, tried and true. I've worked most of my adult life in various construction and maintenance/repair type positions. This does not make me an idiot (mostly my actions in my private life make me an idiot) but it has somewhat influenced my general lifestyle and world views. I was raised non-denominational christian, but no longer participate in any organized religion. Please don't think I hate Christianity or your personal beliefs in god or the bible. I would just rather light my nads on fire than attend one more bible thumping judgement fest ever again in my life. I had eighteen years of that, and I've decided to deal with the big G on my own. You know, so I don't go to prison for kicking the shit out of people every week.

Plus I just can't stand the half assed music the christian music industry is crapping into our collective ear holes. I love real Rock and Roll, old and new, but I dabble into other genres as well. For instance my red neck ass coworkers have gotten me listening to some country recently. I hate that I love it, but what can I say? There's some kick ass country music out there. I'll pretty much listen to anything that isn't techno. Or emo, emo can kiss my white ass. Also, I dislike most of the top 40 pop muzak on the radio. I still have my guilty pleasures though. And no, I don't care to discuss those right now. I have a love for horror. Not the weird fan freak love where I watch every horror movie and read every horror book and fill my expansive noggin with useless factoids about obscure horror trivia. More like the casual appreciation and enjoyment of said creep fest. Especially zombie shit, I get a semi from zombies. They are way cooler than any other monster, and if you disagree you can send me your mom's phone number so I can pump her full of man juice till she pops out my rotten spawn, who just might have a little common sense, and maybe redeem your bloodline. (you're welcome)

So anyway, I like long (long = short) walks on the beach. (Beach = to the bar) I love kittens and scroggin' with busty women and beer and all sorts of good stuff. No one cares and I'm rambling now, so I'll leave you with these words of wisdom that my high school friend's dad, Johnny, told me: "It don't matter none whether the girl is white or black or tan or yeller' or whatever. All pussy is pink."

Words to live by. Heed them well and you may make something of your life. Keep on rockin' world, and don't forget to sprint to hell. I'll be waiting for the company.