My boss told me I would be allowed to come in an hour and a half late if I did so riding a donkey and dressed like Juan Valdez. One secretary showed me a picture on her phone which turned out to be a huge black cock. The other secretary brought in an Adam & Eve catalog and filled up a condom with water and milk duds to set on our lunch table. One sales man started a conversation about butt raping dead babies and throwing them in your attic, while looking at the autopsy photo's of dead celebrities. The other told a lengthy story about tripping on acid and setting off a fire cracker in a fancy steak joint, then asked me if I knew where to get any ecstasy. The district manager hung his head and went outside for a smoke. He tolerates us. When he was gone I told everyone about the dolphin porn.

That's what my job is like. And that's the office, not even the yard. In fact, the office fuckers are wilder than the power tool jockeys. On a side note I had my first run in with some of the locals in our yard. I now have three big ass fire ant stings on my right leg. I must be more sensitive than normal folks, cause the one on my inner thigh has a swollen red blotch around it almost three inches wide. Little bitches, I'm busting out the poison tomorrow and going hunting just for fun.

I'm almost finished with the last piece for my Halloween costume, the beard/mustache. I found that I suck at sewing. Go fig. I am still debating whether I really want to shave my head to match the character or not. I would like to go all the way and look really bad ass. But I have this girl is coming to town, and I've been talking to her for a few weeks, and she'll be with me at the parties I am going to be dressed up at. I think it might weird her out if I shave it all the way. Cause she's used to me with a buzz cut, but shaving your head changes your look a lot. And I'm trying to get my dick wet, you know? It's been a while, and good ol' Stroker Ace is getting restless. I don't want him pissed off at me. (he's my peen, if you didn't catch that)

I decided to switch his name. I named him Rod Thunder with my last serious woman, and I think it's time for a changing of the guard. I was gonna go with Thor Maximus or Brutus Von Goodmotion or Docor Swordley Longfellow or something like that, but Stroker Ace has the double whammy of being a character in a Charlie Daniels Band song, and sounding masturbatory, which is both comical and accurate. If any of you have a really good cock name, throw it out there and I'll take it into consideration.

Speaking of input, does anyone know how to get up a fucking blogroll. I think I know what I'm supposed to do, but blogger keeps giving me some sort of retarded page error whenever I try and add an element to my page layout. I was hoping there might be some sort of html code add on to do it, like they have for standalone players on myspace. (which represents the full extent of my experience with html code) it's pissing me off and I'm just about ready to switch my blog over to wordpress, cause they look cooler.

Anyway, I asked this biker dude at my AA class if having trouble sleeping was a common problem for people who were first trying to quit drinking. He gave me one of his deep gravelly chuckles and this is sort of how it all went:

Me: "Hey Mike, do lots of people have a hard time sleeping when they first quit drinking?"

Mike: (deep gravelly chuckle) "Yeah, it's nothing to worry about, most everyone does. I'll bet you've been having some pretty crazy dreams too. Lots of nightmares and dreams about drinking a lot?"

Me: (somewhat surprised at his entirely accurate prediction) "Uh ... yeah. They've been pretty gnarly lately. I hadn't really thought much of it, but they definitely are more frequent and way more intense."

Mike: "Take some Tylenol PM or whatever. Just make sure to follow the instructions. Don't take four and end up abusing them."

Me: (thinking about last night when I took four) "Yeah, no problem. I never take those things. I don't even take asprin when I'm sick."

And that last part was true. I hate taking medicine and going to doctors and most everything involved in not dieing from being a healt-o-phobe. But that's a different topic for a different post. Right now I have to go smoke one last cigarette before my old friend Tylenol PM kicks my ass. I can feel him sneaking up from behind.